Hoodening 1968
Copyright (c) The Hoodeners. All rights reserved.
- Adam:
- Let's leave old Dobbin — tie him there
They might not like him — folks in here
- Wag:
- He's pullin' now with might and main
Here, Molly, help me hold his rein
- Moll:
- Here, Adam, claw hold of his halter…
- Wag:
- Too late, the nag is going to bolt! A
Pox upon the worthless jade!
Go, boy and fetch him
- Adam:
- He's afraid!
He's kicking up a horrid din
We didn't ought to let him in
- Moll:
- He's smashed a table and a chair —
- Wag:
- We can't just go and leave him there
- Adam:
- Creatin' such a dreadful scare
- Moll:
- It's just not fair…
- Wag:
- Come on, who'll dare?
- Adam:
- I'm game then, Joe, if you come too
- Wag:
- All right, I'll tell you what we'll do
We'll all dash in when I count three
Now, all of you, get close to me…
ONE, TWO, THREE
Evening masters, don't mind us -
We've come to catch this rotten cuss
You get behind him, Moll, but mind
His great hooves kicking out behind
- Adam:
- And watch his teeth, for one bite could
Divide your leg like rotten wood
- Boy:
- And when he rears, watch his feet
One blow'll smash your head as neat
As any rotten apple's split
- Wag:
- Come on then, all of you, you fit?
- Adam:
- There, I've got the old beast's rein
Now he's broken free again
- Boy:
- Old Joe's grabbed him by the tail
He's holdin' on, but that'll fail
- Wag:
- Look, poor Martin's in the corner
He's knelt on him!
- Adam:
- The lad's a gorner!
Come on, we must get Martin free
- Wag:
- I've got his bridle. Who'll help me?
- Moll:
- Do something can't you, stupid muts
- Adam:
- Here, stick this knife deep in his guts
- Wag:
- Light a fire beneath his belly…
- Moll:
- He's getting up!
- Adam:
- Good Lord, poor Martin's pulpy jelly!
- Moll: (Tearfully)
- Inform his mother of the worst -
Trampled by this jade accurst!
- Wag:
- Stiffening bones and blood congealing
- Adam:
- Poor lad's past old Bowie's healing
- Wag:
- Grey trickling from his head — a brain..
He'll never be the same again!
- All (except Boy):
- With due decorum fold his hands
Wrap his eyes with reverend bands
People, join to ours your tears
Cut off in 's prime, aged twenty years
- Moll:
- The unripe apple's off the tree
He's cold and dead as dead can be
- Adam:
- The unfledged bird has left the nest
Look where his hooves went through his chest
- Moll:
- The egg, alas, was hardly hatch'd
Before his soul ws cruelly snatch'd
- Wag:
- The virgin flower could hardly bloom
Ere tolled for him the stroke of doom
- Moll: (Recovering)
- But wait a minute; cease the dolour
Try opening the poor lad's collar
- Adam:
- Here, let me have a grope…
- [Boy giggles]
- Wag:
- He moved! And while there's life there's hope
- Moll:
- The colour's coming to his brow…
- Wag:
- Let's have you up, boy — steady, now
- Adam:
- Rescued by Moll from death's dark brink
Here, let's restore him with a drink
- Boy:
- But first give these folks here a song
Just to show we meant no wrong
- Adam:
- Look, Dobbin now is all submission
- Wag:
- Keep your seats then folks, and listen
Silence, please, and then we'll start…
- [Dobbin's only "line"]
- Wag:
- Oh, Dobbin, 'tis no place to…
- Adam: (quickly)
- NOT that word here, Joe, say 'let wind'
- Wag:
- That deed once done, you can't rescind
- Boy:
- Forgive him folks; the nag's no breeding…
- Wag:
- (Either that or too much feeding -
He ate the pot plants by the door
We best be gone; he'll do some more!)
- Adam:
- Come on, boys, we're in disgrace
Let's beg forgveness in this place
Let's speak the final words and go
Come Dobbin, Martin, come on, Joe
- All:
- Now, friend, despite old Dobbin's… part
Come open up your generous heart
You know this money's not for us
Come, open up… don't make a fuss
It's for poor people overseas
Who've got no food and starve and freeze
So open up, the moths release
And silver only, if you please
You'll have to leave it when you die
You'll get a blessing with it. Why
Build treasure up below where rust
And steady nibbling doth corrupt?
And, just to show we don't offend
Please clap us all, my dear good friend
Your gifts shall help us on our way
Friends, may you live for many a day
Or, if you need some further hints
Here's a last one, good men, since
If ye the Hooden Horse do feed
Throughout the year ye shall not need.
Copyright (c) The Hoodeners. All rights reserved.